


Don’t Stop the Choirs

by Imshookandbi



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Gonna be honest this isn’t even completed, I have no idea where I was going with this, Implied Felinette, unlikely to be continued or expanded on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 06:10:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20077453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imshookandbi/pseuds/Imshookandbi
Summary: He’s got memories in his head that aren’t his, but they are and he doesn’t want to believe it.He’s got whispers in the back of his mind and choirs in his ears.Felix doesn’t want to remember, yet he can’t ever forget.





	Don’t Stop the Choirs

Felix knew there was something wrong with him, and yet he doesn’t at the same time. He’s in his room, alone, when it first happens, and it’s almost a week after his akumatization and he wonders how he never figured it out before. Felix’s still thinking about it, he knows he shouldn’t.

Marinette is Ladybug.

It starts with the whispers in the back of his mind, and maybe they’ve always been there and he’s only just now finally noticed it. But there’s whispers, and they’re there.

It starts with the choirs in the back of his mind, sounding like whispers in the wind and the fall of autumn leaves. It sounds like the humming hidden in the shadows and the songs intertwined in the sunlight, it’s there and it’s not and it doesn’t stop. It never stops.

<strike> _Felix is listening to the voices of the past he never had._ </strike>

The choirs don’t stop.

The choirs haven’t stopped.

The choirs need to stop.

The choirs never stop.

Bit by bit they get louder and louder until they’re all but fucking _singing_ in his ears, until they’re all he hears. Harmonies that he shouldn’t understand, except he does and he doesn’t and they’re saying a name he doesn’t know. Doesn’t want to know.

Marinette is Ladybug.

_ <strike>And he is someone he’s not.</strike> _

Felix feels sick.

Then he’s at the bathroom sink, retching and coughing and trying to force something out that was never there. He’s briefly aware that Sebastian is at his side, asking him what’s wrong and trying to get to someone else, except that someone else never answers, because someone else only answers to a shadow, and Félix is vomiting into the sink.

Then the feeling is gone, sinking away into his skin, into his _soul_, and it leaves Felix shaking and pale and gasping for breath, wondering what the fuck just happened.

He doesn’t notice the warm pulsing of the amulet that was akumatized so many days ago, the amulet he never takes off because it feels so wrong to. The amulet that always felt like home.

Marinette is Ladybug.

Felix almost forgets.

* * *

The next time it happens, it's nearly a month later and Felix is in the kitchen of his house. Marinette is there with him, and the others are there too. Felix doesn’t tell them what happened to him, but Sebastian does, and now they‘re worried too. They all are, because they never got an explanation for what happened and Félix doesn’t give them one, he can’t explain it.

He’s sitting at the island counter, writing out poems in the journal he never forgets. He’s humming as he does so, and this time he doesn’t notice the choirs getting louder. Doesn’t notice their songs getting louder. Doesn’t notice that he’s started singing along.

Félix doesn’t notice the cease in conversation or the stares he’s getting, too busy writing in a language he shouldn’t know and singing a song that plays in his head like a record.

There’s a burning in his chest, and he wants to curl around himself with something he doesn’t _have_.

The clearing of someone’s throat snaps him out of his singing, and he jerks towards the sound. Except it doesn’t fully and he throws a glare before he can stop himself, begins to speak before he can stop._ “What is it?”_ He says in a voice that isn’t his own, and yet it _is _and the singing stops.

The singing stops, except it doesn’t, and the murmurs turn to whispers. When did the whispers turn to murmurs? When did the whispers get louder?

Felix blinks, and he’s back in the kitchen with its bright lighting and spice filled air. Marinette is staring at him with round, shaken eyes and the others are almost the same, except it’s worried and intrigued and none of the above. They stare at him, and then the paper he was writing on, he stares at it too.

It’s a language he doesn’t know, speaking words he shouldn’t know. The symbols are all too familiar, and yet they’re not. They shouldn’t be, and yet they are.

“Felix,” Marinette says, and Félix turns back to look at her, she’s pale and wide eyed and _why is she looking at him like that._ “Have you been getting any strange dreams lately?”

She says it like Felix’s going to burst wings any second, like she’s treading a thin line between friend and an enemy, like _he’s someone he’s not._

Felix just blinks at her, and then he frowns to think. He hasn’t been remembering his dreams lately, he didn’t question it because when he does dream it’s nothing but nightmares and memories he wants to forget.

Now that he thinks back on it though, _really_ thinks back on it, he sees flashes of color and voices he does and doesn’t recognize. He sees fights he never fought and conversations he never had, he sees— more felt —tears he never shed and laughs he never gave.

It scares him.

“No.” He lies, there’s an ache in his chest as he does. Marinette frowns, she looks like she doesn’t believe him, but doesn’t push for more.

He doesn’t want to think about it anymore.

_ <strike>Except he does, and it never goes away.</strike> _


End file.
